Untitled instances, some selcouth and others vain!

Time and again, I have come across situations where I react in a way I have always reacted, and each time, I have heard different comments. I have been advised by many who care and also by many who just love advising for many such situations. I would listen them all out, and as everyone does, would only take what I like. Some people think what I did was right, and some people are critical of it, and there are some people who just need something to talk about. But, none of these have stopped me from being what I am. I thought let me share some instances randomly that I experienced, knowing many people out there would have seen a similar situation like that too. They are no big issues, just small instances which my friend and me happened to talk about out of the blue.

Back in college, I was time and again criticized by many close friends and many friends I never heard about for being immature, childish, playful, stupid, hyper, and whatever synonym one can think of. Some people formed an image of me being a snob, because I did not match their idea of being normal. Some people, or most people called me a flirt because I was either talking something very normal to some girl that guy is hitting on, or I was sitting with my classmates/friends of the opposite sex in the college canteen and we were laughing on some joke. But, I never paid any attention to these, and instead would laugh at them, or just agree with their opinion about me, and play along. I wouldn’t say they were completely wrong, because there is some truth in every point, but, I don’t agree to the point that most people judged me, just because they saw me, or knew me, or were in the same canteen as me. And, a Leo that I am, I would feel all the more important, as people were talking about me, uncalled for. One such time, I happened to get a little silent, began maintaining a low profile for a few months, which everyone of us does for a duration of their need to get sorted with things in us, or just because we are occupied with something else. During that phase, I recollect two good friends walk up to me in the canteen and talk to me about something very seriously. They were telling me not to worry about anything, and that they couldn’t see me like that. One advised me to move on in life, because I have better things to do, and when the right time comes, I will get the right girl. I kept paying attention, and nodded my head for everything. Once they finished, I asked them why were they talking to me like I was just out of a break up. When one of them told me how they thought I was upset and somebody else told them I got dumped by a girl, I had to burst out laughing – God, I had been single all that while and some girl dumped me. I then told them I was busy working on something that I was not willing to share with anyone then, and so I was just too occupied.

Later, there was once a time when my friend was really upset – Relationship issues. I have a bad habit where I can talk even when people don’t ask me to, but, I can never advise until I am asked for one. So, when she asked me for help, I spoke to her. I analysed her problem, her relationship and saw how stupid the problem was and also how stupid they were for being together. When I spoke to her and tried to mend her relation, she was very keen on breaking up. So, I played along and asked her to do that as they were just not compatible, and they would choke each other to death, and ‘Phaaaat’ right across my face. She now wanted to get back to the guy, and yelled at me saying she has been in that relation for 5 years and I have never been in one, so I am completely immature to handle a situation that she was in. I smiled and let go. A few months down the line, she comes to me with a problem again, now she realised that they were not compatible and she broke up, but he did not want to let her go. I smiled and spoke to that guy and explained to him, let go. A few months later, in a party I happen to meet a friend who knew that girl and me, and he was acting weird with me all the while. All of a sudden he walks up to me and starts telling me “You are different, you are not like that, you are different.” I thought it was just a drunk man speaking and smiled. But, he wanted to say something, so I stepped aside and listened to him. Apparently, he was told that I am somebody people must stay away from, mainly girls, and that when she had a problem with her boyfriend, I tried taking advantage of the situation for my benefits. I was shocked by a lot of other things that I heard, but, I again smiled and let go. I never knew this was happening, and I realized that what a few people talk or think doesn’t need to be justified, because, when time arises, things get crystal clear.

There have been times when people would conclude on their own that I was dating someone just because I ‘have a new glow’ and I would be heartbroken because I lost the glow. Sometimes, I was immature because I was not in a relation then, and I was later immature because I handled and got out of situations that seemed hard with ease, and they would conclude that I was lying. Sometimes I was immature because I was always fun loving and cheerful, and sometimes I was immature because I did not put up a stern face at all times. Sometimes I was a great friend because I helped them in need, and sometimes I was a loser just because someone told them things about me. Sometimes I was emotional because I would empathize with people and also connect with my emotions, sometimes I was insensitive because I would not express my emotions to anybody. There have been times when I felt bad about these, silently. But, with time, these stopped to matter to me. I would just smile and let go, as I was not losing anything by people calling me immature or mature or whatever. Each person is entitled to his/her own opinions, and I choose what can affect me. When I could think this way as my ex-girlfriend found a new boyfriend, I am not being fake, I am just being me. Some may find this post stupid, some may know who I spoke about, and some may think I am boring them, but there would be some who would read and say “I agree” and again only those matter.

‘The Grandfather’, or ‘The Godfather’?

Today, a day for another confession. This time, it ain’t sad, but a lovely happy truth. It is a truth that I cherish. The truth is ‘I am Happier, stress-free, and feel lighter.’ I have been happy for a very long time, thanks to all my friends, and, also slowly getting back to my favourite vice – Gymming. I have started enjoying dancing again, and Thanks to Vyshakh, I have now developed a crazy interest in photography. With such lovely friends, I am sure to have more of this happiness.

There have been wonderful changes in my life. At the age of 23, I have surely broken every record by becoming a dad and a grandfather for 4 others, though it is only on facebook. So, let me introduce my kid – Malvika Iyer, and her kids – Karthikk Balaji (KB), Deepika Iyer, Mahdhi Jamal and Rohita. I know it sounds stupid, surely unexpected from me who found that childish. But, the truth is, it is fun, and you don’t have to behave matured every moment of your life. It is better to be immature, childish, and fooling around, with stints of maturity, just when required. But, what surprises me is, I am already a father and grandfather, may be soon a great grandpa for some mysterious piglets that KB may give birth to, but, I still don’t have the grandma with me. I am not looking for one, but I fear that these kids, who have been asking me for their ‘Paati’ will end up finding one. Like Deepika said – “It is time for them to find a ‘hot’ paati for themselves. I have no problems if they find themselves a ‘HOT’ Grandma, but, I am just worried that these over enthusiastic kids may bring me a real ‘grandma’ – someone even I would call Paati, and say she is the ‘hot’ paati. As long as their paati is as old as me or lesser, I would respect their enthusiasm; with arms wide open.

Now, having another parallel family, I feel happier. what works better is, being a wild card entry into the family, and straight away to the highest position, of course old too, the Grandfather (Seriously, I would prefer ‘The Godfather’ more). Thank you ‘My Kids’ for letting me into your long running family, and it is my biggest privilege to be a part of it. Your Dad loves you, Li’l girl.. And, you Grandpa loves you all Li’l girl’s Li’l kids!

Madly in Love? or is it ‘Lovely when MAD’

When people are madly in love, they really lose control of their words, their thoughts, everything. I am not being rude on them, but instead, am just narrating from my personal experiences. So, stop thinking of me as a ‘Master Lover’, which I am not, and read along.

I have been in love and fallen out, so many times, that I can only talk about how to fall out of love, from my first hand experiences with love. But, with so many lovers around me, I have seen what love can bring out from them. Sometimes, it can be so confusing, I keep wondering if I should laugh or feel the sentiment. This has been happening right from the time I was in Pre-University, and in these many years, I have observed a common behaviour pattern in all of them.

During my pre-university, there were a lot of people I knew who claimed to be madly in love. There was one lame guy who would claim to be in love with every human being that is not male, and try to flirt with them all, but, unfortunately or fortunately (for the girl), his flirting would seem very brotherly. And there was this one guy Lokesh Jain, who was always with me, and we checked out the same girls too. But, he was madly in love with a girl too, and I did not check her out (surprises me). Every attempt made at coaxing him to ask the girl out would always go waste. He would talk to any girl like they were his buddies from the time he roamed the streets naked, but, when it came to this girl, the only thing that he could talk was empty gusts of wind. Then was this guy, who was made to believe that he was in love with this girl by the guy I just mentioned and me. This guy actually asked me to go ask that girl out from his side, and when I said “Dude, what if she says a no because I went”, he came the next day wearing a three piece suit, to ask her out. Unfortunately, it was Lokesh and me who got a beautiful 5 pages of letter from him, expressing his immense love/hatred for us. We never understood what he wrote, thanks to that pretty handwriting of his. There were a few more like this. But, at that age, I observed a common behaviour in each of them : All claimed of not being able to talk a word when the girl they claim to love was in front of them… How lame! I wish I fell in love then, I would have surely walked up to the girl!

The following year, when I entered University, it was a different surrounding. Different love stories, and different behaviour patterns. The guys/girls would be all excited, talking mushy, and coochie poochie and muaah all the while, through SMS and on phone, but, when they were together, It was a well preserved secret. Such a secret that everyone knew they were seeing each other. Symptoms : Sitting in the canteen, just the two. Going to every place, just the two. Ultimately, even going to the staff cabin as a couple. May be they thought, Couple entry free everywhere! The lamest thing was when a friend of mine walks up to me and asks, “how did you know we were going out, because we never disclosed to anybody.” I would smile and behave like “Oh! I am the God of love, and I know when people around me are in love.” Ultimately, I was born a Leo narcissist and love that attention, when it comes uncalled for. During this time, I had my first lot of fall outs, and since then, there has been no looking back. Also, my friends would be so fed up with me everytime I was in love. They knew it was just till the next pretty girl walked in front of me.

Then followed my stint outside hostel, when I moved in with my parents. I made new friends, and saw new love stories, and had new fall outs too. There was one guy who was in love with every girl he knew, one guy who would love a girl for the next four years, inspite of the girl not loving him, and cry about it everyday. One guy who was freshly in love and all happy about it, one guy me, who was always wondering when he would fall out of love again. The pattern I observed here was : Love secludes people!

I entered UK, where I met people who came here because the love of their life was here, people who came and met their life partners here, and people who came here loving people back at home. The love here was mature, people wanting to end up with the ones they love, and, me again, having multiple crushes and falling out of love. There were people who came here, slept around and justified it saying they were trying to find the right person, which I thought was a silly justification, because, if they were having fun, they were having it, and that was about it. There were people who would not want their party pics uploaded on facebook, because their boyfriend or girlfriend was back in India, and would make life tough for them. There were Vaishnavi and Sudheesh who were mad in love, so mad that I would go mad. Sudheesh wakes up at 6am, sees vaish on skype and yells “Oh My God! I can see her. I am dreaming about her, and falls back on the bed.” The pattern I saw here was all serious philosophy, and sudheesh also being all philosophically, spiritually and religiously in love, and singing ‘Cheesy Bollywood DDLJ numbers’ loudly from the bathroom, not knowing that I am typing that out here.

By the end of this, I am still wondering if this is funny or should I feel the sentiment. If I would ever fall in love instead of my habit of falling out. May be, next time I don’t fall out of love, I would observe this pattern in me. And, that will probably be the time when I would be able to make some sense out of these whole 1000 odd words that I just typed, in order to kill some time.

For a minute of extra sleep!

Just recovering from multiple bouts of laughter, I decided, I must share what made me laugh so much till my stomach cramped. It also made me think “What a person can do for just an extra minute of sleep”. So, leaning on my bed, in Nottingham, U.K, I am narrating an experience that I will laugh at all through my life.

The clock says 22:30, as my friend Sudheesh Rao, who is tired after writing an exam and preparing for another on the following day, decides to crash. He requests me to wake him up in an hour, and I agree. I was pretty convinced the one hour would extend, but, doing what was requested, I wake him up in an hour. He stretches, like he would be running in a minute, says he is up, and falls back onto the bed. I decide to give him some more time of sleep. So, the process kept repeating as the one hour slowly became 5 hours, and it was high time I kicked him out of bed. So, I wake him up, pull him to the kitchen, and make some coffee for the both of us. After the coffee, he suddenly realises he needs to study, and does it sincerely, as I got back to my research on some random thing on the internet.

He reads to me from his book about narcotics production in Columbia, and we discuss something about it. He lies down during the course of discussion and seems to have fallen asleep. So, I kick him up and ask him to study. He first tells he is awake, and just lying down. When I realise he is not going to be up till he is kicked again, he reassures he is up, this time by telling me how he is so interested in the world. He tells “I am awake, and I am thinking about the USA.” I kept wondering what he has to think about USA at 4 am. I let him rest for 10 more minutes before he is kicked again. Now he is still thinking, but not about USA, but about CSI, ISI and drug law in Portugal. I pull him off bed as he thinks, and he suddenly says “Find out about terrorism in China”. I do that and tell him the Ugyurs and the few attacks that happened in China. He is still not satisfied, and now he wants to think again, about a land without any narcotic terrorism and drug mafia. I realized I had enough of this, and go to the kitchen, make some coffee and put it into his hand. In the course, we discussed what he was thinking, in an attempt to poke at him. That is when I understood how valuable that one minute of extra sleep was for him. That one minute, he thought about every country in the world, and if each of us got that one extra minute, we all could think more about the world, and ultimately, sleep our way to get a better world.

A Loser’s Realisation!!!!

I am surprised at how guilt works. There are times when you make a mistake, and you know what you did is wrong, and therefore, you feel guilty for what you did. But, sometimes, what amazes me is  that you do something as a retaliation to some wrong done towards you, and you know what you did was just try and tell the other person that their policy towards you was wrong. But, guilt eats you up for talking rudely. You begin to feel that you misbehaved, even though the other person has a good share in causing it. And what makes things worse is, the other person also thinks you were wrong, but, doesn’t accept what they did was not right. At such times, I begin to feel life is being unfair. I think why should I feel guilty when I just said that was wrong. I think life was meant to be one-sided, and I am the victim in every attack. I feel ashamed for letting myself down, for allowing myself to be trampled. This has happened time and again. I start to think why can’t I ever get a chance to be right, to voice my opinion and have someone who would at least listen to it, if not follow. I begin to feel violent, like a lion that has been starved, and would kill anything that comes its way. I roar, my eyes turn red in anger, and I feel insane. Suddenly, it all fades, and I feel lost. In fact, I feel like a LOSER!

Then, I begin to realise the truth is not what I thought. Life is extremely fair, and I understand that ‘So what if that person said something harsh, I should not have spoken back that way.’ Probably, that person was not in the best of moods, or may be I instigated him/her, unknowingly. I realise that I am the one at fault majorly, for not coping with the situation. I know I must apologise to that person, though there is an uncertainity about if he/she would forgive. But, what ever may be the answer, I know it is my duty to apologise. I am now ashamed for feeling ashamed. Come on, I am not being trampled on. I am just making the path of thorns easy to tread across for that person, and if I have done it for someone, it is simply because that person is surely more than special and inseparable from my life. I understand that I always voice my opinions at the wrong time, when it is least expected from me. My anger cools, the violent lion is finally fed. I purr, I meow in a soft tone, asking to be forgiven. I try to put the derailed coaches on track. I realise I am a LOSER, for thinking all the gibberish I thought of initially. But, I only learn a new lesson ultimately.

In brief, I am the cause of my own Agony. I am the cause of my guilt. I am Human, after all, with the same emotions as any other person, but I control what has to be expressed. I am my own Master!!!!

And now, WordPress has been blessed!!!!

All you Guys out there… I mean Girls also… Ok! Include all living or non living material, irrespective of the gender, race, religion, sex and choice of sexuality. I am not new to handling a blog for sure, but, yes, I am new to WordPress. I am into the third year of my blogging and today I had suddenly decided I shall add something new to my style of blogging. I have been using my other blog to post my poems (if they can be called so), and will continue to do so. But, I guess I should do something that I can do pretty well, write out words on any damned topic on earth. Anything and I have no restrictions. And, thus, use poems for the emotional side and the freelancing for everything that is not poems. All I need is an idea, and words would flow. Basically, I am going to have my own opinions about everything and I don’t care if it is right or wrong. All I care about is it is my opinion, damn it!!!!I am not going to write much here, but, I can assure immense entertainment on ideas those are intense or not, a lot of cheeky opinions and loads of discussions.

Cheers!!!!